My days are long; hard and long. My nights flow into my days because of my insomnia; which I swear at times is a curse in itself. Sometimes I lay awake wondering, dreaming, thinking, pondering, over thinking, analyzing things that I have no control over, feelings I should hide as opposed to showing and it all gets mumbled and I blink and it’s morning. I drag myself out of bed, cursing the alarm but unable to smash it into the ground because we should know by now that BB’s are not like Nokia’s as when they suffer a fall they don’t often bounce back. Instead I mutter to myself, pass my family silently and get ready for work. Finally after what seems like an hour, I’m in my car and music fills my ears and I smile; probably for the first time for the morning and I’m on my way to work – in my happy place. There are so many songs that I listen too, much more that I fast forward through because at that precise moment it is not the song for me, it’s not the song that I need to make me feel better. Then traffic happens, some nit wit who left home way too early and has nowhere to go, so he drives at a speed like he is travelling on a turtle’s back and the cursing starts. Road rage? Maybe but I was in my good place so I’m not sure.
Then a song plays, much like “When I was your man” by Bruno Mars and for that split second you could care less about the turtle ahead of you or the growing line of cursing traffic behind you. All you could hear is the emotion behind his voice as he sings, how you could imagine the strings in his neck that rise when he hits those gut wrenching highs – it hits you; this is what life is all about. The music, it’s all about the music. It may be the music of your spirit, or the music on the radio but life is a playful melody of highs and lows. There are times when you are extremely happy and feel invincible and you are a “Girl on Fire” and you may even hum it as you walk the streets; strutting your way down the street with that illuminating ray around you. People stop and stare, you are independent, you are strong, you are beautiful, you are indeed on fire and you smile to think that this is what Alicia was feeling when she sang this song.
Other times you are low, depressed even, something happens like a break-up or the loss of a loved one and you wonder what is your purpose here. What is it that you came here to do; what is it that God wants to show you with yet another heart breaking lesson and you receive no answers and you pray and wait and wait and pray. Then you turn on the radio or pop in a CD absentmindedly and a song plays such as “Breakeven” by The Script and thoughts of that person flood your mind, the tears start to swell in your eyes and as you feel them start to fall you instead find yourself belting out the chorus with them. For that instant you are reminded that God often speaks to you in other ways, he knows the battles we fight with our heart, he knows our wants and needs and he has us covered; we just need to be patient. “I’m falling to pieces, I’m falling to pieces….” and you smile because this is your song; this is your anthem. “What am I going to do when the best part of me was you…I’m falling to pieces”, things are always going to get better because music heals and it gets me through my days at work until I can retreat to my bed at night and enter the music world where I strum every guitar string and beat the drums. Even though the insomnia may last or the feelings swirl and intensify, it’s never that bad once there is music; because someone out there went through this once and they made it into a beautiful song.
Battle Scars” by Lupe Fiasco is another one; funny enough I’m listening to Jango as I write this and I must say God is truly talking through this site right now. The songs just play one behind the other. Wow, I almost forgot this song and how could I as it is my alarm on mornings because the scars of love never goes away. You make sacrifices and decisions that you probably shouldn’t have made but sometimes life deals us with a hand of cards and you either choose to either fold or ask for another hit and it unfolds your life in ways that you never thought imaginable. Much like “Just Give me a Reason” by Pink featuring Nate Ruess; which says, “No nothing is as bad as it seems. We’ll come clean”.
My favorite song at this precise moment is “Home” by Phillip Phillips. The lyrics are beautiful and the music is sublime. “Hold on, to me as we go; as we roll down this unfamiliar road and although this wave is stringing us along, just know you’re not alone. Cause I’m going to make this place your home. Settle down, it’ll all be clear. Don’t pay no mind to the demons they fill you with fear. The trouble it might drag you down. If you get lost, you can always be found”. The first time I heard this song was on Jango and I instantly went to YouTube for a glimpse of what this genius looked like and I was hopelessly in love with the way his voice brought across this song. It said everything in the first few lines and had me hooked. A quote has never rang more true than this; “If
music be the food of love, play on” and on and on and on.