Category Archives: Life

My feelings about Being Mary Jane

When I first heard of the show, I was excited and who wouldn’t be?! The story line seemed like the story of many a black woman. But even as I try to express how the show makes me feel, I’m so tempted to delete everything and go to sleep but what stops me is that I know by morning I would have the sane feelings again.

For those of you who watch the show, you would be familiar with the characters that I speak about. Every woman, black, white, mixed, yellow and blue has known what it is like being a woman. The sometimes, day in and day out struggle of being misunderstood or any other adjective that is deemed fit for us. I can relate to many of the situations that Mary Jane faces and that is what upsets me more than anything.

We, women that is, have all had our hearts broken at some point and some of us have had it broken by the same man. This man for Mary Jane, is David. He is her weak spot and we all have that person who is our weak spot. Frankly, mine compelled me to write a whole book about him but that is a completely different topic for a completely different time.

David, David, David, I shake my head. Why is it that the man who causes us pain is the man we always want? What upsets me about Mary Jane?Being Mary Jane! As hilarious and ironic as it may seem, the show has the perfect name. It is all about real situations, it may not happen in our lives in the hour that it may on the show but it happens. Many of us can relate, we may have even fast forwarded through some of the issues but we all scream at her not to make the choices she does because we know far too well how it turns out.

As nerve wrecking as it may be watching the show and in some cases being able to wonder if someone used actual footage from some aspects of my life…Being Mary Jane has been and will continue to be and I will be me and continue watch it in wonder and awe as she takes me on the journey I was to scared to admit I wanted to take.

When Did the Single Black Woman Become So Weak?

downloadMore and more every day I see some new series being created or some new character in a series being slowly changed from strong to weak. Where does this come from and when did it start happening.

Let’s take a look at some of the shows of today:

Scandal – when Scandal first showed its face I was intrigued by it because it depicted a strong black woman making her mark in the world. She was the “fixer” and there was nothing that she and her team couldn’t handle because they were gladiators; gladiators in suits as they liked to say. Every Thursday night I would be glued to the screen to see another new twist and turn and be amazed at how well she handled herself but then I started to wonder where Olivia’s man was. As strong as a woman or even a black woman appears to be she always wants a man or is supposed to have someone who she could tell her deepest and darkest secrets to and sometimes I started thinking that maybe it was Harrison because he seemed to be a match for her character. I think somehow I started making up a romance for them that surely was not there. Then the biggest regret of the year showed its ugly head, who was her man, who was the man who would make a smile appear on her face when she didn’t feel like smiling? Well it was none other than the scripted President of the United States, so not only were they making Olivia Pope, the professional extraordinaire, into being a home wrecker but she was also degrading the image of the President. Fantastic!!! So I continued watching and everyone including some of my friends started raving about the chemistry between them, chemistry that I never saw or to this day see. I won’t say that I am difficult and that once cheating enters the mix that I immediately shut down and start judging. Hell I have watched The Good Wife and I love the fact that Will and Alicia hooked up and by hooked up I mean made me wish for a couple of moments that I was Alicia because Will is one specimen that I would love to get my hands on. For those of you not knowing about the show – Alicia was and still is married to a man whose name is not Will, now if Olivia Pope wants to know what chemistry is supposed to resemble watch those two. They worked at the same law firm and if they smiled at each other, the chemistry was there, if they glanced at each other across the room I think they thought it was only two of them in the world then. Compared to Olivia Pope and Fitz, they did not and still do not come close.

Fitz, however, is her weakness. He is the person that transforms her from being the strong black woman she is portrayed to be to a weaker version. Stand up for yourself Olivia; stand up for what you know is right and make black women appear a little stronger, make him squirm a little longer, demand his respect. There was a time when she made a statement which most women used as their anthem, “I am not a toy you can play with when you’re bored or lonely or horny. I am not the girl the guy gets at the end of the movie. I am not a fantasy. If you want me, earn me!” Gladiators don’t cry, those words Harrison uttered when the show started and from then in almost every episode Olivia has been crying over Fitz. Her father made me laugh when he told Fitz that he is a boy and that my friend is why Daddy Pope deserves an award because truer words were never spoken. Olivia handle the situation, handle the President, stop letting him belittle you, find a strong man who you would want your kids to call daddy and leave the little boy alone.

Then her cousin was born, who is her cousin? None other than Mary Jane from “Being Mary Jane”, another strong black woman, professional, taking care of her family but still searching for someone to take care of her. This is not what makes her weak because these are things that every woman wants including me. Who doesn’t want a man to come swooping in and save you when you have been in the office all day and night and only glanced at the sun when you arrived the morning. Men have hurt her, and yes women can relate to that but it is how you react when men hurt you that makes you weak, some people are even aware that they are weak and openly admit it but what I want to know is when did we as black women get so weak? Even Keisha who stars in “Single Ladies”, who would tell off a bat if he flew too close has started to become a weaker character than what she first was introduced to us as. Is it the love that we have for these men, the way that we would do anything to make them happy that makes us into a weaker sex? We were taught that if a man hurts you and we were taught to turn the cold shoulder to him, ignore his calls, threaten to talk about him to your mutual friends and do everything but move across state lines to get away from him.

In reality what do we really do? We pretend that is what, at first we may ignore his call, we may even change his name to, “Do Not Call” or “Idiot” or something more extreme, anything to make us not call or text him. We could even delete the number all together but what good is that when it is programmed into our mind like what time our favorite show comes on. We see that number calling and we could be putting gas in the car or getting ready to pick up a bag of groceries with our independent selves and we turn to putty. We may think of answering on the fourth ring just to make him squirm but who are we kidding we answer on the first just in case he missed dialed you or in case he puts down fast. Our heart is beating fast, our mouths may start to water, we want to know what he wants and if he says he wants to pass by, we run out of wherever we are to hurry home and make ourselves ready for “the talk”. Who are we kidding, we are getting ready for some hot sex because no one does it better than him but again when did we get so weak? Was it when the men stepped up their game and started pleasuring you in words and actions, when you loved them a little bit more than you did yesterday? When did it happen? There are times that even I have been weak and felt as though I was looking at myself but somehow couldn’t help myself. The black woman has become dependent I think on emotion, she wants to know when a man can please her. She may want her feet rubbed when she gets home after a long, long day. She wants someone to take care of her because she is sick and tired taking care of herself and I can hear the women saying “Amen” here. She wants to be loved, she wants attention, she wants to be the center of a man’s attention and this is not being called weak, it’s called “being a black woman in a society so full of hate that you crave that little bit of affection no matter the hands it may come from or the lives you may ruin, it’s called wanting to be happy, it’s called wanted to be wanted and it’s called being a woman.”