Many persons have asked themselves why their partner cheats and some are probably still asking the question. In the past and of late there have been many movies which have centered on this topic and maybe “one or two” of us have actually experienced it at some point in life. I remember once being told that you have not lived until you have been cheated on and from the time I heard it up until now, I have found it funny. Beyond my bouts of laughter, I often wonder if it is a new rule in life where we all have to be cheated on but I think that we all have the control to stop it. Recently the subject of cheating came up during one of our many lunchtime discussions. You can probably imagine my astonishment when I was told that cheating is now being called “sharing”. Before I could understand this, I was told that it is also referred to as “lending assistance” – I was flabbergasted. Never in my life have I heard such utter rubbish.
As a young lady I would hate someone to ask me to share either myself or them with another. As it stands I cannot share a piece of chicken without experiencing heartburn and you would want me to share my lover with you as well – NO. On the other hand, there are some who would probably step to a man knowing full well that he has another but how dare you assist his lady without first putting yourself in her situation. I must admit, I know that we have no control over who comes into our relationship to assist us but there must be some degree of respect no matter how miniscule for the other person involved. This new way of having a relationship is not for me at all and I don’t think that it is right. I am a hopeless romantic and there is nothing that you can say to make me change my outlook. Would you rather be a spare in a relationship or would you rather be a committed partner? I think that being in a relationship with a person does not necessarily make them your property but at the same time it is a mark of respect to remain faithful with them. A relationship can be much more than sex and satisfaction as it is centered on trust and with each day it is built into something more by conversation and harmony. For many of us, a relationship is a step closer to marriage where you grow together as a couple and share each others life. I think the concept of sharing which we learnt about as children has crept into our adult lives and has been blown out of proportion by those who practice it. Are you for it or against it?
Anyhow back to my topic, why do men or women cheat, lend assistance or share? As a woman you would think that I could give a long list but I can’t. I can give you some but I am not fortunate to know the full list but I am aware of the ones that head the list. The main reason why a woman cheats is because of hurt; there was probably a time when she was hurt by a man who professed to love her but never practiced it. Women relish when they are the center of a man’s world and most of the time, many women do not understand why male friends take more precedence than they do. Most men seem not to realize that there is nothing that a woman doesn’t see and remember. She sees how her man may smile and pant when a pretty lady passes by, how his expression changes whenever a “friend” calls and even how late he stays at work – even later than the cleaners to get a job done. What you don’t understand is that by doing these things you are silently sacrificing the feelings of the woman who loves you. I know that there may be other reasons why women cheat but I know that lack of attention heads the list. I remember a few years ago I met a lady who lived in the US, she told me that her boyfriend of six years told her everyday how ugly she was and that he would cheat on her in an instant. I could not believe what she had told me but I admired her more because she stuck with him and never cheated on him or left him. So even though many may cheat from the lack of attention, some end up loving their partner more in the hopes they would change.
So I am 31 years old and maybe I have been secretly waiting for my Mr. Right, Mr. Do It Good or just a plain Mr. Being single for 6 years has made me somewhat cautious when it comes to dating, not because the world is full of freaks but because I am looking for something specific; something which I would know when I see it. I could have easily written a book that would help young ladies when they step out to date but I turned to my blog instead about the dos and don’ts.
I swear I have now perfected how to look interested as I have had to endure countless hours listening to the some men talk about themselves so much that I really started believing that I was an interviewer. Nothing turns me off more than the man who loves to hear himself talk, what the hell!! So now I have suitable responses so it would seem like I am genuinely interested. “Hmmm” is used when I am “stumped” for any better use of the word and really don’t know what else I could do to hide the look of boredom that is threatening to come. “Okay”: when my energy is dwindling and if I had enough I would run out of there like I was a blazing inferno; however the fact that dessert often doesn’t come by then keeps me seated. “Really”: is used when he seems to be so happy about an accomplishment that is as spectacular as the last ant bringing food back to the nest.
So I decided to open up myself to opportunities; to just date. Whoever comes my way had to come for a reason. First up was a sexy, tall, darkie; easy on the eyes and seemed to have a good head on his shoulders as the older folks would say. So he called me almost everyday; points were scored and everything was all fine and dandy until he said “you are ringing up my credit”; but still I exhaled and endured on. Next came the invitation to the movies, he sent me a list of what was showing and asked what I wanted to go and see and all I could think was “how proactive he was”. So I called him and told him my choice and then he said, “So you do know that you have to pick me up right because I can’t come all that way for you”. One would think I lived on Mars, well maybe he did.
Dating is really hard or even impossible for an educated lady with standards, or have I set my standards too high? What do you think? I thank God for the experiences though because they are a source of entertainment for my friends and for me. Continue reading Dating – What really happens→
Have you ever looked at a blank piece of paper and compared it to your own life, if not maybe you should try to. Our lives are only what we have made of them, we are often placed in many situations where we are supposed to make decisions but the choices we make have a propensity to be unique to us and us alone. When a writer is faced with a blank piece of paper, he or she must decide what to write about and how to start his or her sentence. This can be compared with our own lives as many of us are faced with situations which at first may appear so simple but yet we can never find the words to truly explain how we feel. I have grown up hearing people tell me that life is a canvas on which we are to write and depict our own destiny or path. So far in my life I have wondered whether people actually realize what their purpose is or if I have the wrong perception of what is all about. I perceive life as something which should be savored and enjoyed like a chocolate bar, soothing to the tongue but hypnotizing to the mind. I think life is all about creating and nurturing a family, finding love and molding lasting relationships and friendships. Then reality steps in when I see all the strife and destruction which exists in the world, what would become of our world without the sacrifice of loving another. I sometimes more so wonder what other people’s canvases look like or if they even know that their life is such.
Sometimes I think that we get a little misguided as we are guilty of spending their time looking for someone or something to complete them and make them happy. For many, the something can be in the form of a job, a house or even a new project but what becomes of you and your life when you make the wrong decisions or the wrong turn and then realize that your foundation is based on nothing. Happiness does not come in the form of someone walking into your life or a newly purchased toy; it comes from the journey which we all make towards finding that special someone or even buying that luxury or creating that lavish life. When you think that having a good life is all you need and you go home stressed and want someone to talk to, you may be in shock when you realize that there is no one around. My question here is who is to blame when you find yourself alone but this takes me back to the first article which I wrote about whether the perfect man exists and what is the definition of such. Although many women can be held accountable for seeking a man based on his status in society many of us do not go this route. Many women are starting to realize that a man’s status is not all as they more love the attention that is given. As most men may say women crave too much attention but how do women balance caring too much with loving too much.
Many men probably felt reassured at my first article where I hit at many women for discriminating men and not loving them for who they were but many men are also guilty of this. When you ask a man what they look for in a woman, many would say that they look at her body but only a select few spend the quality time to investigate or inquire about her personality. They spend their time looking at physical attributes and seem not to realize anything else. Who are we to judge someone based on looks alone? Do we think about having a future with the special lady based on her looks or more so on who she is and what she represents? Sadly for many no future lies in store for them if they fail to see the present that stands so clearly in front of them. A man once told me that he spent his life making a future for him and his girlfriend and she walked away from it all, he could sit and question himself everyday and ask himself where he went wrong but in life there are some things that we can have no control over. If we did have control over it what would we do different to save the pain of heartbreak, would we seek not to try so hard? For the gentleman which I mentioned, were his words enough to make her return or was his sacrifice in vain? Patience was once a virtue which was afforded to man but what does it mean when we could no longer afford to practice it and make a life for ourselves first before looking at someone to complete us. What does your canvas look like, is it empty or full of scribbles?
In today’s society, we as professional women always have goals. Some of us may aim to have a great job with equally nice pay, a wonderful car and some even wish that they were afforded the luxury of one day owning a “piece of the rock”. Some however, do not fall into this category of goal seeking, as even though they realize that these are all great things to own someday, some just wish to find the perfect man. You may ask yourself, if you are a man reading this, what is the definition and criteria of a perfect man. If you had to ask a woman to lend a definition, she may say that he must look incredibly handsome, possess a body of stone, a heart that is forgiving and for those days when she had a bad day, he must also be blessed with a sense of humor to make her laugh. The list, unfortunately for some, does not always end there, as it is a must that the man must have a stable job and not just any job – a great job. The reason why he must have a great job is for the mere reason that he must be able to be showed off to our friends and our family. So instead of finding a man that matches your needs, many women discriminate a man based on his professional status and instead seek to find wealth instead of happiness. My question to these women is how would you feel if a man only dated you because of where you worked or even lived? Would you still think that you were blessed to find him or would you thank God for allowing a man to love you because of your beauty or your personality?
At the end of a bad day when you need your man around and he is busy at work for the fourth time for the week, would you then fuss about him to your family and friends? I don’t think so, I think you would cuss him and want to know what he is really thinking and then when the paranoia hits in, you may wonder if he is truly at work. So who is to blame for him working late, you can probably start blaming his boss, then you can move on to him but when reality steps in you may find yourself in front of your mirror and maybe then you would realize that it was you. When I started to write this, I remembered the movie “Something New” which starred Sanaa Lanthan. She was a business woman with everything but the one thing she lacked was a good man in her life. She had been on blind dates but her work was always more important until her friends started hassling her to find a man. She met a good looking and I mean he was dam good looking; he could have probably made an iceberg melt if he stared at it hard enough. As fate would have it, the poor man did not realize that he had two things against him, he was white and he was a gardener – what we Bajans may call a “Landscape Technician”. Her friends of course disapproved of him, she was told that she could do so much better but my point is what did she have before? Our friends can sometimes be blessings from God and sometimes they can be Satan’s helpers because when they criticize who we should date, when we get lonely and need someone to talk to, they are nowhere to be found. In the end of the story, she had to put the feelings of her friends and family aside and come to the conclusion that he was her perfect man.
Day 1: We drove around with the taxi guy for a while and while English was not his first language, he made us laugh with his gestures and jokes. His name was Hector and all he kept saying were that we were leaving him as 3 ladies to board the ship but that we would come back as 6 as we would find some eligible bachelors. Keisha didn’t get what he meant at first but that was okay as she was the only one who was in a relationship. He offered to pick us up when we returned which was both appreciated and favored by all of us. We paid him, got out of the taxi and gave the guys our luggage to be tagged. The line was very long to board but eventually we got there. It was a lot like an airport with the security checks and all and then it was onto check in. The Ship – Carnival Freedom: It was huge; just there sitting waiting for us. We crossed over into it and it was like walking into a building. No movement whatsoever. We waited at the Guest Services desk to open our on-board account and WOW there was a guy there with a body out of my world however the girls said he looked young and I would be arrested. Sigh they really know how to try to deter a girl but I shall see him around. We toured the ship and my luggage didn’t come to the room – ERROR. So we had to go searching for it – we found it tho WHEW. Habana Bar is the “shiznet” – Asian guy in there is Han from Tokyo Drift, with blonde streaks and a great voice. I just wanna hand him a car! Mercy. Dinner was okay. My chicken was green and the waiter didn’t know why but I ate it anyway! Off to think about plans for Day 2.
Day 2: I got up at 6:30 am and not sure why but I waited for the others to get up. At breakfast now – more food and I’m happy. God really does exist , you can see him all around us. There is so much beauty in this world and I am indeed blessed, we all are to be on this ship at this moment. We only live once and this is good living at best! Thank u God for your blessings, love you so much! I await my husband now – I am ready 😀 No sign of the guy who was wearing the blue shirt but we did watch a white guy apply suntan lotion.
Lesson of the day: one should also tan underneath one’s feet because even though you wear shoes it should be tanned! ALERT: old white man with a gigantic penis. O M G I was actually grossed out! He had to have surgery or something and he’s just tossing it around. I think I tasted my breakfast again and oh look he has a male partner *faints* The day flowed smoothly after that and then it was time for the Captain’s Ball where everyone dressed up. It was great and the food wasn’t bad – I had the beef. Largest piece of beef I ever saw – didn’t eat all though. The night climaxed with some severe stomach cramps, I think I ate something wrong, Keisha felt sick and Kari went to the theater.
Day 3: Day started with some severe stomach cramps, think I swill stick close to the bathroom today IN my room. Took a paracetamol and the it did nothing; stay tuned! There was french toast at breakfast so I tried to eat a lot of bread to make up for the outings I had the night before and early morning. Cozumel is our stop today and there was another Carnival in port, Carnival Liberty. There were about 8,000 people on the pier heading to the shops and tours. We went on the Cozumel Highlights and Shopping tour with a lady named Barbara. It was great; she brought a little Mexican girl with her; cutest little girl ever. She handed out the shot glasses at the tequila tour sights. She was adorable. We sampled 9 different kinds of tequila and then I asked about the ones with the worm and then she gave us some of that too. We felt warm after but not so great the night. No dinner for us tonight though. Everyone feels a little queasy so we’ll relax tonight. Alberto won’t be seeing us – he’s our personal waiter. Cozumel is a beautiful place, reminds me a little of Barbados with all it’s natural beauty and beaches but it has more spiritual beliefs and cultures. I went mad with the pictures. It is simply breathtaking and I would definitely go there again. We saw a man standing in Diamonds International that was from Pirates of the Caribbean so we took a picture with him. At first I thought he was a statue until I saw his eyes moving. The day was pretty cool. Barbara lied, the tequila to cure insomnia actually didn’t work and I had no problem sleeping the night before 😦 Keisha also has a weird habit of talking and then sleeping the next minute however she is still livid to answer us when we talk.
Day 4: The day flew so fast that I’m updating it on Day 5 but we just laughed a lot. We went dinner for 8:15 and talked a lot to the couple from the Bahamas. Also our waiters are Mahendra and Alberto. Alberto is from Costa Rica while Mahendra is from Indonesia. They did a show at dinner and all the waiters were dancing to “Get Low” it was simply hilarious to watch but they can dance. Appetizers: Keisha had Duck, I had a Thai Chicken Soup (very peppery) and Kari had Shark with Crawfish. Dinner’s dessert for me and Keisha was Bread Pudding which isn’t like the one home. First it’s really warm; hot even and second it’s like a cake in a cup. Kari had the Tiramisu. After dinner we went to the Disco because it was Motown so they played 80’s music and we blazed the dance floor.
Day 5: It’s 6:23 and we’re on our way to Costa Rica. The others are still sleeping but they should be up in a while because we never sleep in late. Went on the Off Road Adventure tour in Costa Rica and it wasn’t bad. We got a couple pics and had a light snack and there were also fruit and drinks.
Note to self: Don’t drink and tour. The bus became noisier after the drinks; it was awesome. Back on the ship and missing home. Called mummy and she was all quiet and, I think she misses me and it really tugged at my heart strings. It sucks being so far away and not knowing how everyone truly is. Even though I’m having fun- I’m missing them awful too. I have a headache so will hold a snooze before dinner. Not hungry at all! Dinner was good – I had the Jerked Pork which was surprisingly not as hot as that murderous jerk that we have at home. Keisha had the Sicilian chicken which looked pretty good and from where I sat was loads of meat. Kari had the Mahi Mahi and her starter was a kind of sushi that she didn’t like. Me and Keisha had the ham which was like a rich man’s version of uncooked stripped salt meat! The bread pudding for desert was splendid. On another note I kinda like staring at Alberto’s butt; tomorrow is an early morning where we dock at 7 am so off to bed.
Day 6: The alarm went off at 4 am and who were we kidding, everyone sat up and then were back down in 10 mins. I got up and bathed at 5:19 am and everyone else followed suit. We were downstairs waiting to disembark after we had breakfast of course. The ship didn’t clear yet so we had to wait a little while. We decided to take our own taxi and went to the Gatun Locks to see how the whole Panama Canal works and it was pretty cool. I took a video of the process and of course some pics. When we worked it out it was actually cheaper that way. Alberto had told us about the Free Zone which was mostly for wholesale purchases so we walked around for a bit. Then the shopping started! Wooooooohoooooo talk about savings – we got jewelry Keisha got some really nice clothes but no white pants (inside joke). The only thing we didn’t get was shoes but we made a killing on clothes and jewelry. I shall buy NO more watches! O M G I must have one for each day now *hides face but smiles*. I would definitely come to Panama again because you can get so much for your money. We were back on the ship with plenty time to spare and I didn’t want lunch so the others went ahead. I’m saving myself for Alberto – whoops I mean for dinner so keeping my belly on half tank. We’re on our way now to Florida and should be back at 8 am Sunday morning and then it’s onto shopping. Dinner was Thanksgiving style and the boat started rocking really bad. It makes me really sleepy while Keisha feels sick. I had the turkey and Keisha had the ham.
Day 7: We’re up and watching Brad (the cruise director) – he’s funny as hell. We must take in a show. Going and bathe soon and head to breakfast. Breakfast was kool – saying that we ate it around 12. Kari just had tea which was smart because I was stuffed and didn’t want to even see lunch. However I did make room for dessert though and boy was it good 🙂 We walked around the ship for a bit and ended up in the Victoriana to watch a dance class. Lol they danced to Austin Powers spy songs but sexy. It was funny 🙂 Kari went to the gym after that and as Keisha couldn’t decide what she wanted to do I was very content to go back and sleep which I did. I think she ended up watching cartoons. After Kari came back we just lounged around and watched Pirates then got dressed for dinner which was elegant again. I wore my pink dress, Kari wore her black and Keisha bared her breasts for all *hides face* Not sure who I’ll miss more – Mahendra or Alberto. There is the variable of Alberto’s nice butt and body but Mahendra is a sweetie pie – he’s been a little down these last couple of days. He’s such a cutie; really wish I could tuck him in my bags. Oh well. Dinner was delicious though and then we took in the live show which was fantastic -it was a tribute to the Beatles. Best thing I ever did see, it reminded me a bit about Glee. We walked for a bit after that – Keisha went back to the room and eventually Kari and I spotted Mahendra and Alberto. It was off to bed then.
Day 8: Got up around 7 am and can’t believe it’s come to an end and there are still no single men in sight. I’ve made a decision though and I’m not sure whether it was the tequila or being away for so long but things are going to change by the time I get back home for sure! I’ve been single for too long. Anyhow we did breakfast in the Posh Dining Room where we met a waiter from Barbados. His name was Charles Mayers; he lives in the Pine and has family in Foul Bay. He’s been working on ships for 7 years – it seems like a good job and as he says it has its ups and downs. After breakfast I had to go and get my necklace fixed and then we went and bought the pictures that photographers took. It’s the last day on the ship and now we’re in our room watching a movie while I update my journal. It’s time for dinner and we went to the Steak House. Now it’s a nice restaurant and all but really seafood and bush are not good appetizer options for someone like me. Ugh I guess I’ll have the bush then and why not throw some Vinaigrette dressing on it too :S Main course I had the Lamb – thank God for sheep cos that was the most meat I had all night 😀 Bless them. Kari had the surf and turf and Keisha just had the turf lol. She had the steak which looked pretty good. Meat was one of the best inventions well next to man and it’s one and the same really 😀 Dessert: Whoopie bring on the sugar! Keisha was shocked at the size of her cheesecake slice; it was gigantic! I had stewed apples and ice cream and Kari had the sorbet! Oh did I mention that the Steakhouse was on deck 10 and because we were lost we went to it from the wrong side. Why was it the wrong side? Cos the captain was going at warp mode speed and the wind nearly blew us away. Was fun tho, we walked around for a bit after that and then hit the sack. Last day: 😦 Bittersweet indeed but it was fun. We docked after 6 am so we had to cancel Hector’s pickup for 9 am as we were so early. It was cheaper too! On to shop in Fort Lauderdale now! Missing Mahendra and Alberto – we all are, Keisha misses the desserts too! Smh
Growing up we all had that classmate or classmates that we always looked up to, or was attracted to or even someone that we probably hated or envied. Where are they now? Where are you? What happened to the dreams and aspirations that we had for ourselves? Are we living them?
Personally when I was younger I was a dreamer, I would dream for me but more so for those around me. I would think about who they would turn out to be when they got older. I would add some age to their faces and see if I could predict how they would look in the future. As I got older and I saw some of them around, I would smile to myself as I approached them and would eagerly await a story about where they are now, what profession they are in and or how many kids they have. One would say perhaps that I secretly wanted to live through these people as I expected so much for them but it only left me to question, why do we always have so much faith in others and so little for ourselves? Why do we think that the story lived by others would have played out to be better than that than we live ourselves?
Is it that we placed these people on pedestals or do we first need to be appreciative for all that we have and come to the realization that where we are in this life is exactly where we are meant to be.